I like this whole 'reading the Bible again' thing. Its legit. I hate that it took me this long though. I figured its only right to start from the beginning of the NT again since i didnt go quite right last time and i didnt finish anyway and it was in a different Bible. So there. My family hasnt been THAT BAD the past few days. Thats always nice. And talking to Nick today was fun. I dont get to see him alot. My poor grandmomma though. Makes me sad. Lawrence turns 18 tomorrow! Im so siked! Im so happy and thankful to have her in my life no matter how ridiculous she can be. Ill miss her somethin awful. Camp started today!! Be with the staff! Let them be open to let You work through them like i know they can. I love the ones i know more than anything, and i cant wait to get to know the other better this summer. I miss my granddaddy. And my grandpa. Terribly. I love You. Goodnight

And then im home for 2 weeks! So i can birthday and such :] the 4th i go back for jrh arts and crafts. :] then im home for like 4 days, 2 or so of which my roomate and Rachels roomate are coming in town and were all moving into rachels house and showing them around memphis. :] a day later i leave for a week in new orleans and then come back and go back for jrh 3 after like 2 days. The first week of august ill probably end up at a beach with my friends. :] And thats my summer.

Wednesday alot of my class is meeting at the zoo since we didnt go junior year like every other class. Thursday im spending the day with rachel and spending the night with her because her little sisters 6th grade graduation is friday morning. Monday is the first real day my friend Hannah is back from england so were gonna be together the better part of the day to look at her pictures and talk about everything she saw. And i leave wednesday for orientation and dont come back till the 18th!

WHAT SHOULD I DO? I dont know if i should go back, but i sure as heck want to. Would that be bad? I know i need to let go, but maybe not just yet...

This whole not being able to sleep thing is so lame. But i guess its good for something. Tonight was really awesome. Like yeah, we gossiped alot at the end, but the beginning with the praying and such, that was good. I like that. Especially brobro. That was TOO precious. I love him. :] and Angela and Becca of course. Theyre too good. I love them more than anything. Theyre my babies. Thank You for them. Be with those precious children when i go. Help me to keep up with them. I dont wanna be one of 'those' kids that leaves for college. I couldnt stand myself if i did that. Precious. Ill miss em like heck, thats forsure.

Alright. Somethins up. Nothins felt right for a while. Like i feel weird about doin goodnights and its mostly becase im just not payin attention to You. This limbo is ridiculous. Like one minute im ready to save the world and then next i hardly care. I dont understand. Im scared of whats goin on with me. I dont think im doin this just to do somethin. I think its real. I think the way i feel is real. Its hypocracy. Its evil? Its 'sin invading my habit patterns' and crap like that. Im disenchanted with alot of stuff and people. I think its wrong that im just waiting for this summer to come along so i can get on some high.

Whats up with me?